Seeing The light
by Laura Morris
Summary: Chapter two added. They are home, no relation to Endgame, just Janeway reflecting and then getting what she really needs and wants
1. Chapter one

Seeing the light  
  
By Laura Morris  
  
Disclaimer: J/C fluff, Paramount owns all the characters etc. The story ideas are all mine. Feedback always welcome!  
  
Kathryn stared at the open window as if it held all the answers to her questions. Home for six weeks, her life had changed so dramatically she didn't recognise it, or half the people who claimed to be a part of it. The most bizarre thing was the constant knocking on the door by lawyers, journalists and 'old friends' for the first month. However, as she had expected, they had all lost interest when she refused to hire them, sell her story, comment or couldn't remember who they were. Now she heard nothing apart from birdsong in her apartment. Mark had Petunia, and the one puppy he had chosen to keep in his new home in England. He had moved there to live with his wife. When Kathryn had visited him she had seen how happy he was. They had the life Mark used to describe to Kathryn on lazy Sunday mornings in bed when they were younger, in between making love. A domestic idyll. Both worked in independent fields, both gloriously bright and successful, with a little girl called Elizabeth, who at only two years old looked as if she would be following in their footsteps.  
  
Kathryn was alone, she had no one. Her mother and her sister lived just two minutes walk away, but she rarely visited them. She felt awkward around them, she felt like they looked upon her as a walking ghost, They needed time to get used to everything, and in her mind smothering them with her attention wouldn't help. Her only remaining friends on Earth were either dead from the various wars the alpha quadrant had seen in recent years, or were part of Voyager's crew. The crew had been ordered not to contact each other for three months after they had returned to the alpha quadrant for security reasons. She was reluctant to call the alpha quadrant home, as after all this time Voyager was more of a home to her. She missed everyone so much. She missed Tom, B'Elanna and their daughter, Harry, Tuvok, and Chakotay. She probably missed Chakotay the most. She missed sitting down at the end of each day for a drink or dinner and talking about the events of the day, crew reports, or just generally gossiping. There wasn't a single person in the universe who she felt closer to than Chakotay. Now they were back, her beloved Starfleet had taken away all her support mechanisms. She felt lost.  
  
Tomorrow she had a final de-briefing with the admirals at Starfleet headquarters. The trials for the ex-maquis members of Voyager's crew would go into the final stage tomorrow also. She was lucky enough to receive status reports on her crew as a privilege of position. Harry Kim had been offered a post on the newly commisioned USS Excellor as second in command. He was allowed to choose as many of the crew of Voyager as he liked, as long as they were starfleet, to join him on the first mission. He had chosen just ten members, but had also made an unauthorised request in asking that Tom Paris and his family join his crew too, on the family ship. Stafleet had yet to respond to his requests.  
  
The maquis were proving a far harder issue for Starfleet to resolve than they had originally thought. Their first agenda had been that all members of the Liberty should be sent to penal colonies, but when the admiralty had spoken to Captain Janeway, they realised that the maquis had lived out their sentence already on Voyager in effect. All with no exception were fine examples of Starfleet officers. After seven days deliberation the admirals of Starfleet decided that they would put the ex-maquis of Voyager on trial., If found to no longer pose a threat to peace within the united federation of planets, then they would be free to go and be offered full time positions within Starfleet.  
  
The last week of 'The Grand Trial of Voyager' as it was colloquially known was due to be over in just a couple of days time. The jury was out now deciding on the fate of Captain Janeway's beloved crew. One man in particular was important to her. She needed to see Chakotay, to hear his voice, look into his eyes, feel his physical presence.  
  
Right now, Kathryn had lost everything dear to her, and more hurtful was that the organisation she had loved and had devoted her whole life to had taken that life away from her. She wondered at very morbid moments if they had all died, if she might not find it easier. They were all so tantalisingly close to her, held in 'private accommodation' at Starfleet Headquarters. 


	2. Chapter two

Sunrise on Earth, such a beautiful sight that he had been dreaming of for seven long years. However, the setting he found himself in was wrong. Where was his home, his Kathryn? He longed and ached to tell her how much he loved her.  
  
After one final check of her uniform, making sure the pips were on correctly and spaced out in the required manner, she glanced down at her breast to check her comm. badge was on the right way up. She had made that mistake before when dressing in a hurry on Voyager. Chakotay's laughter echoed in her memory as she thought of one of those times. Her mind was made up in that instant. She had to see him. Today. The debrief was at 0800 hours, just twenty minutes time. Captain Janeway rehearsed her closing notes in her head one last time. They had to be perfect.  
  
"To conclude, Captain, is there anything you feel you should add?" A grand, pompous voice asked. "Yes, Sir. I would like to request something. My crew has worked loyally for Starfleet, for me, for seven long years. They have upheld Starfleet morals. You will find rebellion no linger in the hearts of the ex-maquis officers. That rebellion has been burnt out of them during our extended mission. By nature most of them are peaceful people who will, if you give them that chance, prove themselves and serve the fleet loyally. The man responsible for their 'Retraining' shall we call it, was my first officer, Chakotay. If I only have one wish fulfilled at the end of everything, please, make it this. I need him freed, I need him on my crew" She hung her head as she said this. She loved him. She didn't need him as a colleague; she needed him as her friend, as a lover. "Captain", a voice interrupted her thoughts. " I think that whatever happens in this trial we will not be placing on duty with the acting Commander again. I feel you have personal issues to resolve with him, and therefore lives other than your own might be put at risk if you worked together on another mission. On a purely personal note, Kathryn, talk to him. Tell him how you feel." The admirals rose from their seats and exited. However, Admiral Chapman asked her to remain in the room, "We have some things to discuss, and then I will return."  
  
Minutes later Chapman returned and joined Kathryn on the soft chairs by the large windows of the otherwise formal room. "Please, Captain, sit down. How are you doing Kathryn?" his voice was full of concern, and his eyes showed sympathy without patronising her. "I am alright. A little lonely and bored perhaps, but otherwise, okay. I miss my crew very much, they are my best friends." The admiral sat up a bit, as if to begin what he was going to say. "Normally, Kathryn, you would never be so attached to the people you work with. This was a mission in extraordinary circumstances, and we realise that. Taking this consideration into account, we feel that for your well being you should be able to visit Commander Chakotay. You will be granted one visit a week provide a not guilty verdict is announced tomorrow, up until the 'quarantine' period is over, and then the rest is up to you. You may visit him today if you wish, perhaps lend him your support. He has missed you a great deal too." With that he walked out of the room leaving Kathryn dumbfounded. She was so grateful and yet so scared, what would she say to Chakotay? 


End file.
